When I think of self-care, the first thing that comes to my mind is the “Treat Yo’ Self” episode of Parks and Recreation. In this episode, Tom and Donna splurge on luxury items and experiences in an attempt to relax. We often think similarly when it comes to our own self-care, our mind first thinks to rewarding ourself with physical items like clothing or splurging on fancy experiences like fine dining or spa trips. But in this article I want to redefine your internal perception of self-care to show you that self-care can’t always be fun.
Self-Care Isn’t Just Doing What You Want to Do
A great song lyric that summarizes how you should think about self-care is Mac Miller’s Self Care:
Self Care, I’m treatin’ me right
Mac Miller
He takes Tom and Donna’s version, but adds that crucial element: treating me right. Self-care isn’t all about spoiling yourself, it’s also about doing the right things that will help you be healthy and grow.
Self-care isn’t and shouldn’t always about be doing what you want to do, but rather what you need to do to take care of yourself. This could include building healthy habits like exercise or meditation. In could involve working through past trauma in therapy. Or it could be having that difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding, to mend a relationship. All of these actions may not be what you want to do in that moment, but it’s important to put aside that short-term discomfort for long-term growth.
Think of Self-Care as Self-Investment
Just like investing your money, self-care should be seen as an investment in yourself. When you invest your money, you are sacrificing short-term pleasures for long-term prosperity. The same thing should be true with your self-care. You are experiencing the short-term pain of a hard workout to experience long-term health and mobility. You are subjecting yourself to the short-term discomfort of a difficult conversation to strengthen a long-term relationship. This short-short term sacrifice is helping your future self be better off.
The other way to think about this is treating yourself like a little kid. As a parent, you often have to make your child do things they don’t want to do. Getting them to eat healthy, go to bed at a reasonable time, do their homework, etc. But you know these things will serve them much better in the long run. Think of yourself similarly. Take care of yourself as if you were a child that needed help and guidance to do the right things for your long-term prosperity.
Things That Can be Considered Self-Care
Self-care can constitute a lot of things, ranging from small actions to big changes. It can also be categorized as regular habits or discreet activities.
Regular habits that promote your health and wellbeing are not always glamourous, but they have have huge effects – especially over the long-term (for more guidance on building habits, check out this book). Small activities could be brushing your teeth, or building a skin care routine. It could be making sure you’re hydrated, and being thoughtful about eating healthily. It could also be activities such as reading regularly, journalling or meditating or establishing an exercise routine. All these small self-care habits will have huge long-term benefits. For example, imagine the difference in your skin 30 years from now if you wore sunscreen every day. These positive changes compound into huge gains.
The other category of self-care activities are more discreet actions. These are things that aren’t necessarily occuring on a regular basis, but can have long-term impact on your wellbeing. For example this, could be removing yourself from an environment that isn’t serving you, like an unhealthy relationship or a toxic workplace. Another example may be speaking to a therapist to work through some past trauma. Or on a more positive note, enrolling in a course/program to upskill to improve your future quality of life.
Not all of these things will fall into the category of fun, or things you want to do. But as I said above, that’s what self-care should be. Self-care should be the difficult or potentially boring activities that you take on to improve your long-term quality of life.
Where Does Treating Yourself Fit In?
You must be wondering, where does the self-pampering fit in? My suggestion is to think of it more as a reward or relaxation method than as self-care. Had a busy week at work? Take that long bath. Had a stressful commute? Help yourself wind down with a facemask. Hit a major milestone in your life? Celebrate and recognize it with a meaningful purchase. These treating yourself habits certainly have their place, but they should never be done as an avoidance tactic.
Pampering yourself should not be done as a distraction for what would actually promote meaningful change. Don’t treat yourself to a spa day to distract yourself from your relationship problems. Don’t make a frivolous purchase to take your mind off sources of unhappiness in your life. Take care of yourself by doing the hard things that will actually make you better. Treating yourself has it’s place, but it will not result in the long-term improvement and growth that will actually make you happier.
Conclusion
Pursuing true self-care, the activities that will help your long-term quality of life improve, is not always going to be fun. It’s not always going to be flashy or exciting. But by taking these boring or potentially uncomfortable steps, you will be so much better off in the long-term. Reframe your thinking to consider what activities you should be pursuing to have the best long run impact on your life
Coming away from this, I want you to take a minute and think:
What action have I been avoiding that could have the greatest long-term impact in my life?
Once you determine that, take one step towards tackling it. It doesn’t all have to happen at once, but I promise you your life will get better by practicing true self-care.